Reasons

(OLD BLOG FROM OLD BLOG REPOSTING)

I am 24 years old and married. We are very happy, and have been married for a little over a year.

We have spoken a lot about having kids, we are not doing it anytime soon. We want to wait till we are finically stable.

The problem is my families mental health. My family has a very long history of mental instability. Ranging from depression to bipolar. My brother is bipolar and it has been an uphill battle to keep him safe. We still fight to this day to make sure he keeps up with meds, and treatment. My brother has tried to kill himself more than once. Is it wrong of me not to want to pass that on to my child? I have seen my brother suffer. My mothers tears when she had to leave him in the hospital. My fear of losing my brother.

I ask myself how can I take that risk to bring a child into this world that might possibly face the same fight as my brother. I don't think I am strong enough to do it.We have considered adoption, I have always wanted to adopt. My husband also said he would like to adopt but still would like to have a child of our own. We did discuss this before getting married but since than things have happened that have really made me change my mind.